When Your Faith is Tested

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J.M.J.



I really feel called to share my experience with this with you. Not because I feel like it, but because I think it will help both you and I if I get it out in the open.

So...here's the thing. My faith has been very tested lately. I realized something. I was angry at God.

Is He really who I should be angry at though? I've been thinking a lot about it, and I decided that no, that is not the right approach. 

See, God can see the big picture. He's my Father, and I'm his child. I don't always see that something isn't good for me. Maybe the thing isn't bad, but maybe it isn't what, in the whole scheme of my life, will help me to best live out my calling.

You see, I've been blaming God for a lot of things. I've been blaming Him for the death of loved ones, for other people's suffering, for the loss of boyfriends, and every bad thing that happened to me. Sometimes this blame was subconscious, sometimes it was intentional. But over my life, I have come to load all the blame for every bad thing that happened onto one Being: God.

I know that this concept isn't a good one to have, but I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I'm a perfect saint. I have my faults. And one of my biggest is that I am really not that fond of God. When you blame one Being, on some level, for everything in your life that has ever fallen apart, you are not going to like that Being, are you? No, you're not! 

Well here's the thing. Yes, God does allow bad things to happen to you and to me. Does that make Him a bad Father? No. 

Unlike an earthly father might, God is never going to abandon you. He will never lie to you, or steal from you, or die, or ignore you. God will never do anything bad to you or to me. 

See, God doesn't make bad things happen to you. He does allow bad things to happen, because He gave us all free will. He gave us all the gift of choosing whatever we wanted to do, because He didn't want to force us to love Him or do anything for Him. If we were forced to love God, it wouldn't be love. God is Love. 

I want love more than anything else in the world. I have searched for that everywhere and have been disappointed every time. Human relationships are going to be disappointing on some level, period. No one is perfect, and no one except for God can fill that God-shaped hole in my heart. 

I do believe that if I start allowing God into my heart, that He will satisfy my every longing. Then, I can start to become the person that he is calling me to be. Yes, I'm imperfect. But that is okay. I am on a journey, and it's called this life. I was made in the image and likeness of God, and He is calling me to be better. To stop blaming Him for things that aren't His fault.

God bless you,
Stephanie

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