Reveling in Uncertainty

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J.M.J.

Right now, I'm going through a transition phase in my life. I graduated from college, and now I'm trying to find a job.

What I have never liked is not knowing what is going to happen next. I have always been a planner. From the time I could scribble on paper, I have taken notes, written stories and poems, and above all, made lists and schedules. Indeed, I used to have my day so planned out that every last detail was on my piece of notebook paper that I carried around everywhere.

Somewhere along the line, I realized that this was unrealistic. As I got older, my plans didn't always happen because I got busy with life. A lot of the things that I wrote down didn't happen. Because of this, I became discouraged. I looked at all of the things that I hadn't accomplished and felt guilt: guilt at not living up to my own expectations for myself. Yes, you guessed it: I'm a perfectionist.

Looking at things that I hadn't crossed or checked off my schedule was depressing, so I eventually stopped making schedules altogether! I still wrote in a journal and wrote a poem or story from time to time, but I thought, "What's the point of making a plan when my plans don't turn out?" Enter my new method, and one that, for me, seemed to be working remarkably well: keep my entire schedule in my brain. Brilliant, right? Not only that, but I was remembering 99% of things I had to get done! I started this method in college. Thankfully, I'm working on moving my schedules back onto paper. Here's why: keeping a complicated list of all the things you need to get done entirely in your brain is exhausting and draining. True, I never missed an assignment and was usually early to class. However, my energy level was a lot lower than it should have been because my planner was invisible, working feverishly to keep up with each new thing I had to remember to do.

Reflecting back on the last year of my life, a lot of things happened that I didn't plan for. A lot of those things were some of the best times. Logic tells me that you don't always have to plan for perfection. This is because you can just do your best and God can do the rest. This can carry over into your plans for the future. Revel in the uncertainty.

This is going to be an uphill climb for me. I don't revel in uncertainty. In fact, I cringe when faced with an unknown. Can I change this? I know I can, with God's help, and with the loving support of family and close friends.

How do you naturally react to uncertainty? Comment and we can talk about it.

God bless you,
Stephanie